The East Side

Status: overgrown · Species: unknown · First noticed: 2020-03-07

"I did not plant the east side. I do not know who did, or if planting is even the right word for what happened here. I first noticed new growth in early March 2020. By the end of that month, the plants were taller than my shoulder." — C. Jiang

SPECIMEN E-01 · Arrived: 2020-03-07 · Height: 1.4m

Unknown — possibly related to Monstera, but not Monstera

Dark green, waxy leaves with fenestrations that do not follow any known botanical pattern. The holes appear to form shapes that change depending on viewing angle. A visiting botanist from the university described the leaf texture as "like something that has already been somewhere else." She did not explain this remark. She did not return my follow-up emails.

⚠ Leaf undersides slightly warm to touch, consistently ~2°C above ambient

SPECIMEN E-02 · Arrived: 2020-03-14 · Height: 0.9m

Unknown — narrow leaves, pale silver-green

The leaves are narrow and numerous, arranged in a spiral that, when viewed from above, traces something I initially dismissed as a pattern of light. On closer inspection — and I want to be precise here — the arrangement appears to spell something in a script I cannot identify. I photographed it. The photographs show only leaves.

⚠ The "text" (if that is what it is) changes. Different on Tuesday mornings.

╃⌽⍋⌖⍝⌛╂⌗⍤⌦⍜⌘╁⌙⍞⌚╀⌜⍘⌝

— — k — — — — — — — r — — — — — — — n

// attempted transcription, 2020-04-03. I cannot read this. I am fairly certain it is being written.

SPECIMEN E-03 · Arrived: 2020-03-22 · Height: 2.1m

Unknown — tall, dark, no visible flowers

The tallest plant in the garden. It appeared overnight, which is not botanically possible. The trunk (if it is a trunk) has a texture that suggests wood grain, but the grain runs horizontally rather than vertically, which is also not botanically possible. I have stopped saying "not botanically possible." I have started saying "not yet explained."

⚠ Animals avoid this specimen. Birds do not land on it. Cat from next door no longer crosses east fence.

SPECIMEN E-04 · Arrived: unknown · Height: 0.3m

Unknown — ground cover, dense, very dark

I cannot determine when this arrived. I simply noticed it one morning. It covers an area of approximately 2m² in the far eastern corner. It is very dark — almost black — and extremely dense. I do not want to step on it. This is not a rational concern. I am noting it anyway.

⚠ Ground cover feels subtly warm underfoot (through shoes). This should not be possible.

FIELD NOTE — 2020-09-15 I have spent the past six months trying to identify these specimens. I have sent photographs to three separate botanists. Two responded with polite uncertainty. One responded with: "Where is this garden? I would like to see it in person." I gave her the address. She wrote back: "I cannot find this address. Are you certain this garden exists?" The address has not changed. I have lived here for eleven years.

FIELD NOTE — 2021-02-08 The east side plants continue to grow. They have not died in winter. They show no seasonal response at all. I attempted to cut back Specimen E-03. The shears slipped. The plant is unharmed. My hand is fine. But for a moment — for half a second — I was certain I heard something. Not a sound from the plant. A sound from further away. Like someone turning a page in a very quiet room.